During that fateful day I was in a bit of a hurry, feeling a sense of worry and urgency to follow a certain plan, to make sure that things measured up to expectation, so much so that I forgot about my own safety and well being. It might have only been a moment, but a moment can start a fire, and it is not long before that fire burns, consuming anything that is vulnerable, gaining momentum and power. That fire did a number on my toe, and burned down quite a bit of my ability to feel at ease, many times causing me to wonder if I could still work in the condition that I now found myself in. This is a fire of emotion, the fire of fear, that destroys so much of what we spend such time and effort building up in love and happiness, in peace and joy. This is where it starts, in a self centered thought of, “Everything hangs in balance only with my abilities and skills, so it is important that I do not screw up!” There is little doubt for me concerning what caused things to escalate as they did. I have seen the results over and over again in different forms, a broken TV, a mangled car, a failed exam, a distressed parent, an angry co worker, on and on. Without embracing a cool, yet warm and loving perspective on how to approach life, the fire will burn, and burn till nothing is left. With a cool head, a fire of action and activity can be rather productive, but without a guide that fire will simply do what it does, BURN! OK, so that is the first step for me, find a loving perspective that helps me act with compassion and a certain coolness that helps guide that flames of my activity down a more productive path. Perhaps now the fire can help me heal by burning away what is in the way, like the state of mind that comes when I become less active, beginning to settle into what could become depression. And with this non-smashing positive activity a loving passion gains momentum in my heart. :-) In this case, this passion is for health and recovery.
Throbbing, red, back and blue, tender to the touch, hardly suitable for walking on for who knows how long... still this was my toe and I love it. It has been there for me through so much, carrying me through countless steps in joy and sadness, during work and play. Now it is time for me to be there for it, so that it might once again know health and happiness, and, in turn, so might I. Coming back to the breath over and over again, I gently move my tender friend into Epson salt soaks, elevated positions with ice packs, into socks and shoes that are a bit too tight for a swollen toe, and steps that send a sharp pains into my foot. I do my best to endure the time my toe is recovering with patience, consideration, and perseverance balancing out a lesser amount of activity with a greater amount of stillness. Have you ever had this experience as you recovered from something whether a physical or mental affliction? It is rather difficult to alter the way that I approach life, the way I move, the patience and thoughtfulness I need to aid my injured part, but it is needed for healing and it is very helpful in a surprising number of ways. As I am learning to be careful during the healing process, I appreciate so much more, the times when the pain subsides, the times when I can connect with another who is experiencing some sort of pain as well, the sensitivity to the flow of energy that is happening around me. I learn to move with grace and act with consideration in order to avoid situations that will only aggravate the pain in my foot, whether it is moving out of the way of a falling box or having a more agreeable attitude to relax the mind and bring ease to the irritation that physical pain can cause. I learn to be a more compassionate individual through experiencing this pain. Have you ever noticed a situation where the unpleasant feeling you experience leads to something much more positive than you could have expected otherwise?
And like all things incarnate, this too will pass, and is. After a few weeks of TLC and experimenting with standing and walking, more resting and elevating, ice, and Epson salt, I am starting to feel more at ease as I stand and walk once again. My toe has returned, to almost normal size and color, but then again, what is normal, everything changes. The important thing for me, is that I learn how to adapt, and come around again back to the breath, back to that sense of inner peace and happiness. May you find that peace and happiness within the center of wherever you find yourself this week, my friend. If you are in need for patience and compassion, I pray that you receive all that you need! Peace, Love, and Happiness to you! Aaron :-)