What can a simple balancing posture offer? Why would someone develop the practice of balancing in the physical sense? I offer that it has led me to a deeper understandings of the subtle way my mind and body operates under various circumstances. And I invite you to give balancing postures a try too if you do not already include them in your regular practice. Tom, Sally, and Joe are about to embark on their own journeys of discovery that all grow from their unique experiences in life and their practice of balancing in tree pose.
Let's first visit Tom. There was little in his life right now that brought him relief, but yoga class seemed to have an uncanny ability to put him at ease. The rest of his life felt up in the air, his marriage over, most of his possessions either lost in the settlement or sold to make ends meet after losing his corporate job. But yoga somehow made everything seem like it was OK, or could be OK. He was now working at a new job that paid allot less than his old one. It was enough to pay for a small apartment, food for him and his dog, and money to travel to a few places like the yoga studio and to meet with friends. Things still felt a little raw, like a wound that was scabbed over but delicate to anything that might touch it too abrasively. So he decided that he might not be happy now, at least not completely, but with time and patience, it could be possible. Thank goodness for that one pose. It seemed silly liking this pose, but it reminded him of being a kid again, when things were better for him, free and innocent with no worries. As he balanced on one foot he felt like he was behind his house once again, exploring on the train tracks. There was usually no train coming, so he felt safe, and when he was balancing on the tracks he felt somehow at peace in the wonder of all that was around him. There was so much insight and clarity gained from such a simple act back then and it seemed there was just as much now.
Amber Scriven, a yoga teacher at Frequency yoga has pointed out something about the tree pose that I learned from myself along my journey and Tom is learning as well. “This pose is known to enhance confidence and create a more positive level of self-esteem. Standing tall and proud with good posture, whether in a variation or balancing whole-heartedly on one foot, the alignment alone broadens the shoulders, opens your heart, and raises you feel-good factor.” (https://www.doyouyoga.com/the-holistic-benefits-of-tree-pose/) When life has you down, tree pose can help you grow branches that reach for the stars while rooting you down firmly in a strong sense of Self.
Somehow the tree pose elevates Tom to a different place, a different state of mind. All his worries are still there, but while he is in that balance, they all fall away to either the left or the right, front or back, then seem to dissolve away for a time. If he shifts his weight too much in either direction, feeling himself falling off balance, the worries and troubles come back to him. But when he is in the sweet spot of the balance, there is nothing else, no failed marriage, lost career, forfeited possessions, or personal defeat. In the balance of tree pose there is only the balance, nothing else is important, just the feeling of equanimity, of OKness. And when he doesn't balance this day or that day in the way that he thought he should, that is OK too, just another part of the journey, but the balance is always there to be taken up again, to be tried as far as the shifting circumstances in life will seem to allow. Letting go of everything that had been dragging him down was such a relief, bring him to tears at times. How he suffered wanting for so long, that old life back. It was OK though, to allow it to be free, to fall away, that freedom allowed him to balance not only in the pose, but in life, and if he had to choose, he would rather balance relaxed and free, rather than tied to the demands of the past. In the balance there was no costly upkeep of long hours and sleepless nights all to make a buck to buy more of this or that. He was free to pick up the balance day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment, whenever the opportunity was right, there was nothing really heavy to be gained, like the weight of material wealth. Only the liberation of spiritual freedom, where as not something that could directly buy stuff he wanted to posses, put him in a much better position to use the money he had to buy what he needed to gain true freedom one step at a time.
Why not? One more time, let's see what will happen. He picked up his right foot, brought it to his ankle, gentle move it up his inner left calf, passed the knee, and to the inner thigh. His bent right knee helped him to open his hips and chest forward into clear, deep breaths, free and content, feeling the wonder that was all around him, not holding on, but remaining still and peaceful just like when he was a boy playing on the train tracks. He smiled widely, a little curious if people thought he was strange, then gentle let the pose go, right foot back to the floor. That was enough today, there will be another time to practice soon enough, he smiled once more. He felt great and clear! :-)
Now, looking into Sally's story. Her life wasn't the most stable life before she was able to find a husband and raise a beautiful boy and girl to adulthood. It always amazed her that she was so blessed after falling so low. Tears well up ever time see thinks about it. How could someone that was an addict and failure at life be redeemed? She was fortunate enough to have someone in her life open her eyes to the possibility of living in a loving way. Then it was her turn to find love for herself, and forgiveness for those that she felt had hurt and betrayed her. It was no small feet, and she did everything that she could to guide her children away from fearing life so much that drugs would seem the only relief from oppressive and hurtful circumstances. She did what she could to love them and teach them to live fairly with kindness. And they both found a good home for themselves in the world, and would visit when they could. However, now that they had left, there was a void in her life, a fear of not being useful anymore, of not being enough. She had thought her husband would be there with her to spend these golden years with, but he didn't seem as in love with her as she remembered. He spend most of his time on his hobbies and with his friends. She did not know what to do with herself, since their was no time for her interest when the kids were always there to care for, and she grateful did, but now they had their own lives. Old feelings started to come to surface. Old memories that had seemed long forgotten for good reason, started to surface again, beckoning her back to a harmful lifestyle she had long thought she was free of.
In her youth, she had developed an addiction to drugs as her heart cried out to be free. She lived a sheltered life with her parents that demanded her to act like and fill the role of what they believed to be proper and right. Once in a while she would sneak away with friends to the big city, there they would listen to music. Her friends would party with older boys, but she had her parents conscious hanging over her, and almost always managed to slip out back to her sheltered safe but boring life. It was not long before she made a mistake and her parents found out though, and after a fight, she ran away. She was finally free! She hung out with her friends the first couple of days, it was a blast! Then they went back home, back to their parents rule and safe homes. At that point she did not know what to do, but she was not going to believe that she was defeated. She was going to find a way to survive and be happy! She began to work at her first job, and found a low income apartment. Eventually she met some people, they claimed they had the real ticked to making this kind of life a paradise, and she had her first experience with drugs, just a little bit at first, to help her get through the stressful days and make partying a little more fun. Why not, she was free to do what she wanted. But that quickly turned into more and more, and soon the marijuana was not enough. Money got very tight, and she started living with men that promised to take care of her, but ended up abusing her and using. Then she met someone, and realized that one pain had simply replaced by another. There was no freedom in this endless cycle of fear and addiction.
A few apartments down there was a women who lived alone that no one seemed to bother, she seemed happy and content, though lived in the same destitute atmosphere that she did. She was intrigued, and had to learn more. It seemed like there was something magical about her, because no one would ever try to use her like that did Sally or the other women in the building. When she got to know her, she began to get a sense of why that might be. The women was a former addict herself, but she said one day, she found a way out, a way of living that was peaceful and simple. A man in at orange robe with a bald head showed her to balance out the unevenness that had sent her life into suffering and unrest. She learned many things from the women about the lifestyle she called yoga. It seemed very strange at first, but the poor health of her mind and body made it rather easy to surrender into something that seemed gentle and easy with no debt to be paid.
Sally practiced healthy living in mind and body best as she could, going to rehab, getting involved at health centers and churches. She allowed more friends into her life that were like that women. Eventually she had a support system in her life for both the happy and sad times. Yes, happiness was starting to come into her life once again! And the longer she practiced these good habits, the more the addictive ones receded. That is how she eventually fell in love with a man that, had been on a long journey of recovery too, and married him, raising a family together. Now that was starting to seem like a distant dream. She had become addicted again in a sense. She realized that now after reflecting on her story. The best thing she could do was keep practicing healthy habits, and whenever her husband is ready to talk about how life should be now that the children are gone he will. Maybe it will not return to the same loving relationship that it once was, but that is the past. She would continue to do her best to smile pleasantly and provide him with a safe place to live freely without the burden of a debt.
As she felt the love in these words, she lifted her right leg up, placing her right soul on her left inner thigh. Usually her left side was hard for herd to get, but doubt seemed to fall away, all that remained was the balance, and the peace of mind that came with stillness. Her Tree pose continued to improve! Her spine straightened, chest broadening as her hips tilted slightly back, breath becoming expansive, flourishing and nourishing within! She smiled a calm and peaceful smile as she felt the spirit of that women from long ago alive inside her showing her that there is a better way. Balance in her life physical and mental had been restored for that moment as she allowed all her anxieties, worries, and addictions to fall away, opening her up to the continued possibility of a life well lived. “Balance is only possible,” that women had once told her, “when your sense of peace has been restored. When we are addicted to something, we are holding on out of fear of not enough, practicing balance will provide you with a way to tell if you are feeling that there is enough.” She smiled widely once more, and calmly and gentle release her right foot down to the ground with a grateful exhale. :-)
"When you're an addict," Vytas Baskauskas, a yoga teacher and ten years sober says, "you often have a hole in your life, and by filling it with the philosophy of yoga, God—whatever you want to call it—that's a high too. But it's a high that won't kill your relationships, hurt your family, or your body." (https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/higher-ground)
"Because of the biological changes in addicts' brains, motivational priorities are distorted," says Dr.Drew (Pinsky), an addiction specialist. "Attuning to bodily based cues through active modalities such as yoga can go a long way to helping patients begin to be more mindful in their responses." (https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/higher-ground)
This feeling of not enough leaves a whole within our hearts, and, once the fear is great enough, we will try everything and anything to fill it up, so that we might be whole again. Yoga is the practice of filling this void in a way that is non harmful to oneself and those around us.
“Yoga therapy helps the person find the perfect balance between the mind, body, and inner spirit. This balance is extremely beneficial to people who had a life that was chaotic and out of control.” (https://www.thecabinchiangmai.com/yoga-as-a-therapy-for-treating-addiction/)
*For all those yoga teachers out there, I wanted to mention that the article https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/higher-ground recommends a gentle yoga sequence for those in the midst of recovery. I believe, from my own experience, that balancing postures may be more appropriate after the more severe stresses of detox are cleared, and there is a clearing of mental and physical suffering.
Once we finally come to a state of relaxation, once we finally allow things to settle, we can choose to let them go. There is nothing to control, there is nothing to do but rest. As everything falls away to the left and right, we find that perfect place of stillness that exists between the rights and wrongs, good enough and not enough, we find balance here not grasping and not pushing away, here we stand calm and still. Have a great week, my friend! May you find this balance moment to moment in all that you do! Next week we will look into Joe's journey of balance! Love, Aaron :-)