No matter what it was or is that goes against what I think should be, as long as I held onto what I thought should be, anger, anxiety, and/or depression, would come bubbling up to the surface of my thoughts, words, and behaviors. This makes a seemingly bad day, an very awful day, and maybe unbearable day. The only way that I have found to successfully deal with this stubbornness is with humility. My definition of humility is to relax, feeling OK with what is, admitting that I do not know what should be. There is something beyond me that has guided life and all creation before I ever was in the physical form and will continue when my form has past away. What helps you get through those moments when all seems to be blowing up in your face and negative feelings are nearing the brink to overflow within? What helps you see a day through when everything seems to go wrong?
Humility balances out my stubbornness. My stubbornness comes from my ego which is always trying to protect me for what might cause pain to my body and mind because it has a vested interest in the survival of my form of which it is a part. However, as physical threats like wild beasts are not as prevalent in our world today, the ego has developed a sensitivity to anything that could possibly cause pain to the physical mind and body as a threat. For instance, if there were no longer diseases to cure or combat, this might be a dilemma for the usefulness of medical services and goods, which have become such a large part of our everyday world. What would the healthcare providers do, and what would happen to everything that has been made to eliminate disease? It seems to me that the ego is in much the same position when it comes to what it should do with itself now that the threat of physical violence and need for nutrition has been minimized in many parts of the world today. In order to keep its role and position with the physical self, it creates problems that it is needed for through the vary thing it was created to protect us from, violence and disease in the form of anxiety and fear. As long as there is something to be afraid of, the ego will have plenty of pull to remain an important part of my inner world. The ego is simply doing what it is made to do, and the more that I confirm that my plans are very important, the more the ego tries to protect those plans, creating a backlash of negative experience if those plans are not followed. Anxiety and fear in this case work much like the mental pain that I experience from being part of a situation where I might burn my hand on a stove. The memory of the physical pain lingers in my mind as a tool that my ego uses to protect me from more physical pain and violence to my body. However, that memory is merely a shadow of the actual experience. This distortion of the truth and lack of physical threats around me leads my ego to manufacture more and more distorted ways to maintain my safety, causing fear and worry concerning more and more possible threats that likely only exist in my mind.
My ego offers me protection against something that does not really exist in order to protect itself and me. I realize that I can not live as a human being without an ego, but taking the ego and its concerns too seriously seems to cause me as much and even more pain than what it is supposed to be protecting me from. Humility in the face of a day when something happens seemingly against my wishes is the place that I need to arrive in order to deal with this illusion of this illusionary pain. In order to take myself less seriously I need to slow down and give myself some space. I need to be able to observe this drama for a time in order to see beyond the manufactured anxiety. I do this through using the breathe to clean my body and mind at times. I practice physical postures called yoga asanas, which relieve the tension in different body parts at other times. However, I do this, what is most important is that I keep observing this drama as it occurs. Little by little, it becomes easier to see it before more negative consequences happen like hasty reactive behavior that angers those around me and causes them harm in some way, and likely consequence for me. What is your practice? When do see your thoughts and feelings going astray into hurt and pain? How do you know it is time to intervene before something negative happens within and/or without?
May you find the space to observe the drama that is happening within, so that you might gain insight on how to sooth the suffering in life, my friend!
May humility come over you in your most needed moments!
Happiness, Love, and Peace to you! Aaron :-)