Taking my initial working definition of wants and needs, I started to learn how to live in a way where I was getting a bit of both. Usually, in my younger years it was a begrudging effort to take part in allot of my needs because these seemed to be more of something that I was told to do, rather that something I truly felt that I needed. Eventually this lead me down the road of going to collage, trying to get a respectable job, and relationship that would lead to marriage. Sooner or later, I had to realize that none of these things would likely work out in the time frame that I thought I was lead to believe they should, or perhaps never at all. This all lead me down a road of sorrow and self discovery, not wanting to believe the seeming truth of the situation, but also realizing that I was suffering, and I did not want to remain in that state even if it meant giving up of those old definitions that I had been so attached to. Have you ever had an experience that turned your definitions of wants and needs on its head until you were not sure which was which, and realized that there had to be something beyond your current understanding?
Fortunately, I have met allot of different kinds of people in my life time who have all found different ways for their lives to work for them, and I was lucky enough to have the opportunities to spend some time with them and observe. Everybody seemed to have their own way of working through things, at different times what they would want would seem to align with what they would need, and then the opposite. Though, more often than not I would observe that the more happy and contented, balanced and peaceful individuals, would seem to not be striving for either wants and needs. They would seamlessly mesh them together. However, I would then see the same individuals get upset over missing a TV show or something else they wanted to do, so this was not a 24-7 attitude it seemed, though, it is something I have witnessed as possible. And if we could perfectly balance our needs, and our wants till they were one in the same at every single moment that would probably be the moment when angels would come to whisk us away to paradise. For me, it seems that I have work to do and so does everyone who is here, which is part of waking each day, and in each breath we take. Have you ever observed within yourself or in someone else, the feeling or appearance where everything just seems enough, like wanting and needing are not two different things?
I think that within my own everyday practice, the model goes something like this... Want is at one end that is usually associated with some kind of negative connotation at first because of old conditioning. Then is brought around more to a middle or gray area, which has to do with life experience of wants not always leading to negative outcomes. For instance, not over eating a comfort food, remaining unattached to the satisfaction it gives me, and then moving on in my diet to other foods can make the entire eating experience a balance between enjoyment and nourishment. This is a gateway my needs, which if hung up on the mental idea of no enjoyment, would make it difficult or even painful to eat the more nourishing foods. Need is at the other end that is usually associated with some kind of positive conditioning of playing the part of the good child who follows the rules, but then can be brought closer to the middle area when it is revealed how a righteous attitude can lead to arrogance causing narrow minded decision making and fear of change, which can also lead to becoming uninteresting and unenjoyable, making it hard to go along with something that seems stale and flavorless.
Ultimately, the observation of my own wants and needs unfolding within me, and how they are revealed in my actions, show how they are different ways to see the same thing. Both are leading me to a middle ground of humility, surrender, and stillness, a place that I can not help but realize that I don't have any of the answers and I don't need any answers, because there was never any to begin with. Everything just is as it is, and I am most naturally at ease and rest in the middle place where I simply observe the results of circumstance as they unfold around me. When it comes down to wants and needs, how are they positioned in your own life? Do you find that they you see them as different guide posts to different places of being, thought, and emotion, or is there another way of describing them in your mental landscape?
I hope that this post on wants and needs that I have offered could lead you to a place of balance and peace in your life, my friends.
Please enjoy the experience of both wants and needs in this new week!
Much love and wellness to you!
-Aaron :-)